How is your appetite? Has it been whetted from yesterday’s carefully curated catalog of devilishly delectable dishes? Thanksgiving is only two days away, and we’re already fasting so we can pack away as much of that Salad Olivier as we possibly can.
However, that single day of gluttony can have a real lasting impact on your productivity. Never fear! If Monday rolls around and you are still missing that pep in your step, just reference this amazing one-of-a-kind guide to complete Thanksgiving recovery! Print this out and laminate it, then wear it around your neck for a full day of easy activities that will bring your energy back to its pre-Thanksgiving levels.
Miss the Bus
This one is easy, because you will already be sluggish from all those leftover mashed potatoes you had on Sunday. There’s no better way to kickstart your Monday morning metabolic recovery than to run after the bus as it speeds away.
KAREN’S PRO TIP: if the bus doesn’t eventually stop, take off a shoe and throw it at the bus. This works your arms and usually gets the bus driver’s attention.
Juice At The Office
Once you’ve made it into work, it’s time to feed that body with delicious, nutritious juice. You don’t want to get the store bought stuff because they are probably missing some essential vitamins and minerals or something. So make it fresh with things you can find around the office! There are usually some leftover fruits and vegetables in the fridge and they are probably a little overripe, making them softer and easier to juice. No access to a company juicer? No problem!
- Use an electric pencil sharpener to juice skinny carrots and celery sticks.
- A paper shredder will turn kale into a delicious, nutritious JUICE! For free!
- Any soft melons can be squished using your photocopier’s lid! Really lean into it to work those back muscles.
- Roll over bananas (in the peel) with your office chair. Then wring them out like a washcloth to release all that potassium!
- Add in various hot sauces or other things you find in the fridge. They probably have vitamins in them.
Mimic Office Weirdo
Everyone has the office weirdo who stretches and does Pilates at their desk. Instead of despising them, sneak up behind them and use them as your own personal trainer. Just do whatever they are doing, unless it’s too hard or too much work. Remember: they do this every day, so don’t go crazy right from day one.
TURKEY TIP: Keep your cell phone in your hand so if they catch you, you can quickly put your phone up to your ear and yell “Mom! I can’t hear you!” They will be fooled into thinking you were just trying to get better reception and your ruse can continue unabated.
Be Vocal About Your Healthy Lifestyle
This last one is high concept, but really works if you work it. If someone comes up and talks to you about anything, shift the conversation into how healthy you are becoming. Interrupt meetings with tales of your juicing and exercising, and do it with an air of superiority. People will probably glare at you and start talking about you behind your back… which, if you are human, should make you feel shame and embarrassment. And if you’re anything like me, those two emotions come with extreme sweating! See? Sweat out that extra helping of gravy you had.
Like I said: high concept, but worth it.
If you follow this step-by-step guide, we guarantee your first Monday will be so much better! If you are concerned about the sustainability of an extreme routine like this, just do what I do: don’t worry about it.
Tune in tomorrow for the exciting conclusion to our landmark, ground-breaking Stuffing Robot series!